A popular topic of conversation on our trip was legal restrictions on personal names. In some places, people are not allowed to hyphenate their baby’s last name. In others a mother can’t give a baby his/her father’s name if she’s not married to the father. In Malaysia people’s last names are automatically their fathers’ first name and there’s not much flexibility. In Quebec, women can’t change their last name upon marriage unless they can prove to the court that they’ve already been using their husband’s last name. Just for fun, here’s an article about
legal and religious crackdowns on crazy names around the world.
We didn’t hear about any other country where an individuals have the right to change their names in almost any way they like.
This is the story, in 1500 words, of my name and the process of changing it.
The Names
Disclaimer 1: In an attempt to make this post less search-friendly (with my name as the search query), I am using images of my names. I also think the images are fun.
Disclaimer 2: This really isn’t a criticism of my parents so please don’t read it as such.
In the beginning, I was named
. My middle name was in memory of my uncle who died just before my parents were married.
My parents always called me
though. To add a little extra confusion, they spelled it
until I was about five, when they realized that was a very masculine spelling for the name.
I realize this is poor evidence, but this is me at 13 months in my “Cary” sweatshirt (and my rolled up pants and socks-and-sandals).
No matter how mad or glad they were with me, my parents never ever called me
, so you see,
is really the name they gave me.
Time passed, and I learned about how annoying it is to wear two names, especially two that are not as obvious and familiar a pair as Will/William or Jen/Jennifer. Throughout high school I was
at the dentist and
at the optometrist. I ended up with two separate Alaska Airlines mileage plans (which they wouldn’t combine for me). I never knew what name was on record and I found it difficult not to show my annoyance when innocent receptionists called me
.
A lot of people don’t even know that I was ever named
. I like these people. Numerous boys throughout the years who found out about
thought it was funny to annoy me by calling me
. These people really got under my skin.
The only time I’ve allowed myself to be called Carol by friends was when I was on exchange in Switzerland and I had two or three francophone friends who really had a tough time calling me
. Because
was on all the paper work, it was also on my door in our residence so my friends knew my secret legal name and I didn’t have the heart to make them stick with
. Plus
sounds different enough in French that I forgave them :)
If I had believed that I would not someday get married, I would definitely have changed my first name when I was 18. But, I did think I would get married, so I gritted my teeth and kept
around.
When I went away to college and made a fresh start, I wrote
on everything and said
to everyone who I thought might actually address me by name. That meant that
did all the work, while
got all the rewards like diplomas and paychecks. I was sick and tired of having
stuck in parentheses.
When Jack and I got engaged, I decided to take
as my last name, mostly for the sake of any future family we might create. I don’t like hyphenated names, so I never considered that. I also thought that taking
as my middle name would make it too easy for people treat it like a second last name or a hyphenated name. I played with the idea of both of us adopting a new last name, but Jack couldn’t fathom it and I had always known I would change mine someday, so I’m taking this one for the team.
If you look at a family tree, it’s striking how much of your heritage is wiped about when only one of four grandparents’ family names survives. I took my name change as an opportunity to combine my mom’s maiden name with my maiden name to represent twice as much of my family and ancestry.
I have been proud to have my uncle’s name for 28 years, but now I am happy to have a name that represents much more of my family.
There’s something for everyone in my new name:
is for me,
is for my past family and
is for Jack and our future family.
An added benefit is that, at press time, my new name is unique in all the world. Go ahead and google my new name in double quotes and you’ll find zero hits.
I hope this post is not returned…
The Process
We left the country less than a week after our wedding, and since we already had plane tickets and my passport, it seemed too complicated to change my name right away. It turns out that even post-grand adventure it wasn’t so simple.
About three days after our trip, I started the process by visiting a social security office. Whoops, I should have done my research, because on seeing a marriage license they can only change your name in traditional ways. For me they could only have changed it to
or
. At least I think those were the only two options. Even if I’d done more research, I probably wouldn’t have found a good answer, because even now I absolutely cannot find documentation from social security about what name changes are possible, even at the mildly offensive
Social Security: what every woman should know site. To make a long story short, for more complicated changes, you have to petition the court.
So, the next day we went to the district court in Burien, filled out a form, paid $150 bucks and got scheduled for a hearing the next day.
On the Friday of the hearing, Jack came with me and we made our way past the metal detector and what sounded like a bunch of DUI offenders to courtroom number four. There were six or seven other people there and the session was delayed by about 20 minutes, due to some A/V setup issues. This amused me greatly because they kept saying things like “I need another Jack.” You know how we like our puns, especially with names.
Eventually I was called up. Before I could be sworn in, the judge dashed my name-change hopes by explaining that with my MA driver’s license, she had know way of establishing whether or not I was a criminal. Understandably they make a big deal about whether you’re a registered sex offender or changing your name would harm someone else. The judge explained that she couldn’t request my MA background check for me because that would be the court providing evidence.
I was sent away to get my own background check and told to come back in a month!
Switching back to a Washington license was easy for both of us once they learned that we’d already had one. If I’d ponied up my $45 for a new license before going to court (and then again afterwards with the new name), I could probably have got away with it.
Instead I paid my $25 to get my squeaky clean background check from Massachusetts and came back to court in the middle of March. I’m lucky not to live in a state where you have to publish a name change notice in the local paper.
In the month between court dates, I’d managed to get a new job at the same company I worked at before our grand adventure. To simplify things with payroll, we actually delayed my start date by a few days so that I could start under under my shiny new name of
. Despite my best efforts, I got signed up as
. Therefore
snuck her way in to about 20 new accounts and usernames at work. Since I’m technically a rehire,
is on all my benefits stuff, and I have to get them to change it to‘
but they can’t because at so many levels in the system, I’m called
. It’s been about two weeks and I’ve got it fixed in about two places.
I’ve learned that it’s rare to change your first name and people really don’t pay much attention to detail. Even when I got my name changed on my license they didn’t check my first name.
The rarity of the first name change also means that my banks etc. are asking for more proof than they otherwise would. I won’t even bore you with the details of how hard it was to get a Verizon cellphone plan with my name and address in flux.
The good news is, I now have a new driver’s license, social security card, apartment, cell phone and job, even if the apartment, cell phone and job are all in different incorrect versions of my name…
. My middle name was in memory of my uncle who died just before my parents were married.
though. To add a little extra confusion, they spelled it 
until I was about five, when they realized that was a very masculine spelling for the name. 
I realize this is poor evidence, but this is me at 13 months in my “Cary” sweatshirt (and my rolled up pants and socks-and-sandals). 
at the optometrist. I ended up with two separate Alaska Airlines mileage plans (which they wouldn’t combine for me). I never knew what name was on record and I found it difficult not to show my annoyance when innocent receptionists called me
as my last name, mostly for the sake of any future family we might create. I don’t like hyphenated names, so I never considered that. I also thought that taking 
as my middle name would make it too easy for people treat it like a second last name or a hyphenated name. I played with the idea of both of us adopting a new last name, but Jack couldn’t fathom it and I had always known I would change mine someday, so I’m taking this one for the team. 
is for my past family and 
is for Jack and our future family.
or 
. At least I think those were the only two options. Even if I’d done more research, I probably wouldn’t have found a good answer, because even now I absolutely cannot find documentation from social security about what name changes are possible, even at the mildly offensive Social Security: what every woman should know site. To make a long story short, for more complicated changes, you have to petition the court. 
. Despite my best efforts, I got signed up as 
. Therefore 
is on all my benefits stuff, and I have to get them to change it to‘
but they can’t because at so many levels in the system, I’m called 
. It’s been about two weeks and I’ve got it fixed in about two places.
